Just imagine that a friend of yours calls you up and tells you that a week ago she and her partner started divorce proceedings. This is a complete surprise for you as you thought as a couple they were getting on fine. “Oh no” you say to your friend and immediately start to feel a bit sad.
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Just think about that, the event has already taken place but as you think about it you start to feel sad. Clearly the event itself didn’t make you feel bad it happened in the past and you didn’t know about it.
It is your thoughts that are responsible for how you feel; the event was neutral until you ascribed some meaning and emotion to the event.
After all you could have thought “Ah well it might be for the best they are in the best place to make that decision” and you would have felt understanding and perhaps compassion.
What I am trying to say is that your thoughts are not real. Yes they are “real” thoughts but that is not the same as being factual or part of a concrete reality.
In a sense when you think it is an abstraction an imagination of what is happening, what happened or what might happen.
When your son tells you there is a monster under the bed you are likely to tell them that they are imagining it and that an imaginary monster can’t harm you.
Trouble is as we grow up we forget those lessons and start to believe our thoughts are concrete reality.
This is great news really it is, and one of the best tips for reducing stress. I will tell you why it is great news because you are the thinker; yes you are the creator of your own thoughts. If you are suffering from stress and or anxiety then it is you who are doing the thinking and that means that you have the potential to dismiss your thoughts or perhaps just observe them with a mild detached interest.
See the video below for tips on reducing stress.
A useful tip for reducing stress here is to imagine your thoughts flowing down a river, you observe them as they are close to you and then you let them flow away.
The traditional recommendation used to be to try and replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts. That can certainly help you feel better but what I am saying is that all thinking be it negative or positive are just thoughts.
This is one of the greatest tips for reducing stress I can share with you. Your thoughts have no power other than that which you give to them. It may be impossible to dismiss all negative thoughts but it is perfectly possible to be aware of your thinking good or bad with a degree of detachment.